Wow! What a year! I can’t believe July 1 of this year marked my blog’s 1st anniversary! And as we welcome August today, I must celebrate my 1 for 1, i.e. the 1 year, 1 month anniversary of my Writeaway31 blog!!!
I must apologize to those of you who haven’t heard from me in the last three months as much has happened. Our very successful homeschool year ended and now my girls are happy campers enjoying Camp Hope. My little Batman and I have been hanging out a ton this summer but on top of all that, I’m expecting baby #4!!!
In a nutshell, life has gotten pretty busy. I’ve had to navigate some morning sickness and lots of fatigue but now that I’m in my thirteenth week of pregnancy, I can gladly say it seems the worst is behind me!
As I get my mojo, back I’m excited for what’s to come — more writing, more fun and even more homeschool adventures! That brings me to my happy place!
So why’s that important? Why does it matter that I’m even sharing all this with you guys?
Well for starters, I guess it wouldn’t be a blog if I didn’t. Haha
But more importantly, I’d say that as life goes on, and my kids’ pants become high waters and they begin to wear what I like to refer to as the “Winnie”… (you know how Winnie the Pooh always had on a belly shirt?), my kids are growing bigger and bigger and things are changing. But as that happens, I can’t get caught off guard when my plans must also change.
At the start of the summer, I had high hopes to enjoy a huge chunk of writing but that didn’t go down. Instead, I spent many days as prisoner to Netflix episodes of Ninjago on repeat while confined to the couch in misery.
But was this still not what God intended or had in mind for me this summer?
My plans were nothing close to what actually occurred. I envisioned cute little mommy and me outings for my sweet rambunctious little boy. However, in all actuality, I counted it a win if I saw his sisters off to camp and showered each day.
The truth is, I have been a little bummed that the dreams I had of completing tons of submissions for my book and obtaining an agent went largely unfulfilled. But as I recently told my sister in a conversation in which she was feeling a little unsure of some things (you see she also happens to be expecting but this is her first child), without hesitating, I said, “That’s motherhood girl! Prepare to be unprepared.”
In all honesty, I think every mother would attest to this one way or another.
But why then is this simple concept so difficult for me to grasp?
I’ve been around this block going on four times now! Yet I still get caught up on minor details, plans not materializing, feeling inadequate and self-doubt overstaying its welcome a little too long.
Why is it that I feel something must be wrong with me when that happens? Why do I think there’s some lucky shirt I can just put on each morning that will allow me to avoid the pitfalls of every day life happening to me?
One of the many answers to this is because of my own inflated notion of a successful track record.
What I mean is, I like to consider myself as successful at the art of motherhood.
My kids are well behaved…for the most part…
They don’t embarrass me in public…on most days…
They seem pretty well adjusted in this life…when they’re not freaking out…
And they’re all around likable kids.
All this adds up to is the credit I like to give myself (and my husband) for playing a part in this success.
But what is reality?
If it was not for the grace of God on my life every single day which allows me to mother the way I do, love them the way I do, shepherd their little hearts the way I do, it would all be a wash. Their personalities are even a testament to God’s grace on our lives!
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was concerned with how she’d fit into Curtis and I’s relational dynamic. Many times we found ourselves praying God would help it be a smooth transition so our couple wouldn’t turn into three’s a crowd. And I believe God heard us and answered. In fact, he has done so three times over!
So now, the rowdy, silly, crazy and funny little rabbits we have are not because of our own doing. Any credit we think we deserve is wholly and fully due to the gift God has given us in being able to parent them the way we do and them willingly receiving it the way they do.
When I try to steal God’s thunder by taking the credit due His name, I inevitably become a glory hog.
In the last days and weeks, I’ve become acutely aware of my tendency to do just this. I’ve felt the need to repent of it often. Sadly, this sinful tendency as of late is my Achilles Heel. As annoying as it is to come face to face with the reality of my brokenness in this way, I am grateful to know God doesn’t do away with me or punish me by letting my kids act a fool to teach me a lesson. He graciously waits for me to recognize the error of my ways and turn back to him.
As I think about how God is growing and shaping my ability to mother my children, I am thankful for the opportunity. It is not uncommon for me to be asked if the life I now live was my original plan…you know, being a homeschool mom and all.
Even now, as I think about this question, I’m chuckling because the answer is absolutely not! I never once had the thought cross my mind. Not in childhood, not in college, not in grad school and not even when I was initially married!
The funny thing is, now that I am, I can’t see myself doing anything else…at least for right now.
I absolutely love what I am and what I do with my whole heart!
I am confident in who I am and what God has allowed me to be. I’m riding this thing out until the wheels fall off!
This is why its so important for me to remember that it is God who has put me here and not slip into thinking it was by any of my own doing.
When success comes, I must celebrate him!
When trials come, I must remember him!
And when life gets interesting, I must know he is the author of my life and if not for him there would be no me!
Well that’s all I’ve got, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this post, if you did, feel free to hit that follow button and do me a solid by sharing this post!
Until next time…